Protein Police Blotter

Maybe it's the economy, maybe there's something in the water, or maybe people just really love meat, but there's no getting around it: Meat theft and other meat-related crimes in America are on the rise. Check out this sampling from the 2011 meat police blotter:

• Feb. 4: Someone in Alabama makes off with a truck loaded with 41,350 pounds of ground hamburger, valued at $95,000.

• May 17: Three people are arrested for stealing pork shoulders, ribs, hamburger, and French bread from a California supermarket. (We'll cut them some slack regarding the bread -- man cannot live by stolen meat alone.)

• July 11: $400 worth of frozen beef, pork, and chicken is stolen from a delivery truck in Pennsylvania.

• Late July: Authorities in Texas launch a sting operation, dubbed Operation Meat Locker, and end up stopping a ring of criminals who've been stealing supermarket meat and reselling it local restaurants. (Further details here.)

• Aug. 29: A Pennsylvania man is arrested for trying to steal a rack of ribs in his pants -- for the second time in three months. (No word on whether the cops said, "Is that a slab of ribs in your pants, or are you just glad to see me?")

• Sept. 1: Two men walk into a Scranton supermarket and steal $500 worth of meat.

• Sept. 3: Thieves in Iowa make of with a truck loaded with 42,000 pounds of meat.

• Sept. 5: A Utah man is arrested for butchering a cow in his driveway. (Well, you can't expect him to do it on his front lawn, what with all the blood, right?)

• Sept. 8: An Illinois woman dies after injecting herself in the face with hot beef fat. Okay, so that isn't a crime (yet), but she was facing felony charges and other legal problems at the time.

The real crime, of course, is that most likely none of this meat was pastured, and all of it was raised unsafely and inhumanely. But meat doesn't have to be that way. For proof, come down to Fleisher's, and we'll show you what real meat is like. You'll have to pay for it, but we think you'll agree that it's a steal.